January 18, 2006


I've decided to dedicate this post to a list of confessions. I'm not sure why I feel led to "confess" to these things, but if anything, maybe I'll come to accept some of my bad habits through this blog.

Confession #1 - I'm a Gum-aholic
I chew anywhere between 4-10 pieces of gum a day. Granted, it's sugar free and leaves my breath minty fresh, but do I really need to chew to excess? I think I started chewing gum at a feverish pace after I became diabetic. I always hated the between meal times because I never ate a bite between meals but had to watch everyone else eat whenever they wanted. The gum helped because I felt like I was chewing something. However, over the years of diagnoses, I think the gum has just become another bad habit, like biting my nails. Any suggestions from fellow gum-aholics? Or am I the only one???

Confession #2 - Blood sugar brainwashing
I think my blood sugars tend to effect my eating patterns. If my blood sugars are good, I tend to eat reasonable meals, carb count extra carefully, and avoid eating between meals and before bed. However, if I'm having a period of horrible blood sugars, I'm likely to eat regardless of the blood sugar number and, unfortunately, regardless of my hunger level. I think I do this to spite my blood sugars.... Foolish? Yes... Do I realize this while I'm doing it? Yes... DOUBLE foolish... As my mom would say, it's like cutting off my nose to spite my face.

Confession #3 - Guilt trips
George Carlin once said that people should take trips to foreign countries and the beach, but never take guilt trips. Easier said than done, George. I've always been a very sensitive person, but I think being diabetic has heightened my sense of self loathing when I do something that I feel has hurt, annoyed, or angered another person. For instance, my boyfriend - I tend to take everything he says to heart. I fail to put the comments in context given the circumstances, and I become an emotional ball of sobbing, snotting guilt. Not some of my finer moments, mind you. I go on MAJOR guilt trips with my family. I've always been very close to them, but since I met and began dating my boyfriend (going on 2 years now), I've had to deal with major guilt issues of not spending enough time with them anymore. I know I need to just grow up and accept that this is part of an adult relationship, but it's definitely a struggle for me.

There are definitely more things I could confess to, but I'll leave you with the Cliff Notes version for now. I do feel a little bit better now, but I doubt I'm at the point of reconciliation with my faults.... in fact, I can already see myself grabbing my purse for that 8th piece of gum....


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