A pre-appointment rant
I usually rant about my endo appts AFTER I have them. I thought I'd rant beforehand this time. I already have a feeling that it's going to be a same old crap with my endo.
I'll wait in the waiting area for a few minutes.
My name will be called and I'll go back the little hallway to step on my enemy - the ruiner of most appointments - the scale.
The nurse will take me to my room, and I'll wait there for about 30 minutes.
Dr. C FINALLY arrives and spends the first five minutes mumbling to himself as he looks over my charts.
"Laura? (Yes - it should be on my chart). "Okay.... so... last time your A1C was 7.4... this time it is ______ "(I didn't call to find out yet - I figured bad news can wait)... "Hmm... my pump patients usually get their's to below 6.5" (in a disappointed tone - as if I don't feel bad enough about my A1C...)
"You're using a pump, correct?" (Nope, I'm just wearing it because I love to accessorize.)
"You're still using Humalog?" (You filled out the script - you tell me!)
Then he'll look at my Excel spreadsheets...
"My, my; someone likes Excel!" (I do, thank you; in fact, you'd better appreciate those charts. I spent 4 hours last night playing "catch up" on my logging)
He'll pause - look through the charts and - without a doubt - zero in on my WORST DAY - one with lows of 50 and/or highs above 300
"Wow, what a mess this day was. Were you being bad???" (He gives me the "hairy eyeball" and then laughs and grabs his pot-bellyish stomach) "I can't really criticize though, can I - ha ha ha ho ho ho" (he amuses himself while I stare at him with a blank expression)
The appointment continues in such a manner. His nurse assistant interrupts approximately 3.5 times throughout my entire appointment. He writes in my file a list of things I should work on, but never gives ME the list, and then mumbles a few words about basal testing and the "graham cracker test" as he backs out the door and disappears down the hall. His nurse hands me an appointment card for my next appointment, and I leave.
I leave the appointment without much hope that things will get better...
... without a sense of what exactly I'm doing wrong...
... or how I can get my morning blood sugars nearer to my goal..
... or why I can't seem to lose weight...
... or why I'm hungry every evening...
... or how I could better use the features of my pump
I leave the appointment and wonder why I wasted his time and my time.
I'd be better off on my own.
Despite knowing full well how this appointment will go, I'll go in with a tinge of optimism that maybe - just maybe - it will be different this time. Maybe he'll have constructive advice; perhaps even a helpful suggestion on how I should change my basal rates, or correction factors, or carb/insulin ratios.
I'll go because no other doctor in a 50 mile radius seems to be accepting new patients.
I'll go because he signs for my prescriptions.
I'll go, but I know how it's all going to play out.