Grumpy much? or A Post where I analyze the word "control"
I'm not sure what my deal is lately, but I've had quite a few "grumpy" moments with my students lately.
On the whole, my students are good kids and I usually get along pretty well with everyone. A few, though, have really been getting under my skin lately.
Ironically, the whole problem comes down to control.
I'm seeing an uncanny connection here....
One student yesterday decided he wanted to sit on top of his desk rather than in his chair, and upon being asked to sit down he replied "I am sitting down" with a tone that implied that I was, quite possibly, the dumbest creature on the face of the earth.
Mr. smart ass was politely asked to step into the hallway where I proceeded to turn green and grow a wart on my noise - alas, I embraced my inner witch.
Looking back, I felt somewhat witch-y for reaming him out for not sitting in his chair. On a normal day, his response probably would have received an equally sarcastic reply from me, but not on this day. He was messing around with my control of my classroom, and I wasn't in the mood.
I think of the other things in my life that I try so desparately to control; the most obvious and, consequently, the least successful, being my blood sugar. I also have been making futile attempts to control my eating habits so that I can lose some weight. I strive to control my emotions so that I am neither too weepy when I am down or too hyper when I am happy. I'm not manic, but I really try to remain on an even keel regardless of my mood. On a lighter note, I've completely given up reign of the remote to the man when I'm at his apartment. It's just not worth it.
But out of all these things I try to control, whether it be my blood sugar or my classroom, one common thread remains - sometimes I just have to relinquish that control for my own sanity. I can't control everything and some days I can't control anything! So be it. Unfortunately, not having control makes me downright grumpy... my students would probably suggest some more colorful adjectives, but I'll spare you. I don't like being grumpy at all, but unfortunately that side rears it's ugly head when my control is in limbo.
Maybe my real problem is my use of the word "control"?? I'm also familiar with the term "management," but I don't see myself as much of a "manager" so it just doesn't seem to cut it for me. Of course, I don't see myself as much of a "controller" either.... it's a conundrum, I suppose.
At any rate, I'm going to try to be less grumpy and less obsessed with control.
Famous last words, right?