May 24, 2006

It’s just who you are…

My fiancé has commented numerous times that he doesn’t think of me as a diabetic – at times he even forgets that I am diabetic. This amazes me. Yes, he has only known me as a diabetic, but evidently he doesn’t see it as being an all consuming part of my life. I’m flattered but also a little curious about this.

Do I hide my diabetes from people? Do I downplay it at all costs to avoid drawing attention to myself? Am I ashamed that I am diabetic? I don’t know.

My friends in college made similar comments. They often said that if they didn’t see me take shots every once in a while they would forget that I was diabetic. I never really hid in a corner while taking my shots, but I didn’t make a big production of it either.

I guess my overall question is this: Is it good or bad that those around me forget that I am diabetic? Would they also “forget” what to do if I had a severe insulin reaction? I sometimes wonder.

I think this probably puzzles me because I can’t think of myself apart from my diabetes. “It’s just who I am…” as my fiancé tells me. It’s so natural to me after four + years that I can’t imagine not being a diabetic. So maybe that’s why others forget, because I’m also forgetting. I’m letting go of the resentment I felt after being diagnosed. I resented not appreciating my health while I had it. I resented not appreciating being able to just sit down and eat a meal - without the series of steps required now – or to not eat a meal, and just nibble on things as I pleased. Now, I resent the empty promises and the magical phrase “in 10 years we should have a cure” that never reach fruition. Will they ever?? Not to be pessimistic, but won’t a lot of companies lose money if/when diabetes is cured? Is that why we’re being tethered to pumps and *maybe* someday implanted with an artificial pancreas?

I’m truly grateful that those around me forget that I’m diabetic. I want them to forget. I need them to forget. Some days it makes me feel “normal” again. Some days I forget too.


Blogger Scott K. Johnson said...

Hi LaLa,

Couple of things - I spoke with Kevin a bit about his excel logbook, and he is comfortable with sharing it. If you want to send me your e-mail address I can forward it along to you.

On this post - I think that most of the time, the people that spend the most time with us integrate our diabetes into life just like we do. It's (usually) not a major interruption to them, or a big deal. Of course, they don't have all the stuff swimming around in their head like we do (what's my bg, do I feel low or high, what am I going to be doing in an hour, etc).

11:43 AM  
Blogger LaLa said...

Scott -

Thanks so much for checking about the logbook!!! I've been twittering about in Excel and came up with a sub par logbook which is only somewhat user friendly...! Sigh...

I agree with you - my fiance probably doesn't realize that he's acclimated himself to being with a diabetic! haha I tricked him...!!! :)

my email is

Thanks again! :)

12:02 PM  

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