April 24, 2006

A much needed update!

I think I'm finally on track to get a pump! I've met with Dr. C twice this month, and he explained more clearly his reason for hesitating on approving the pump. My numbers are crazy - plain and simple - and he wanted to see if it was because I wasn't carb counting carefully or if my blood sugar was just that difficult to manage. Turns out I've been undercounting my carbs at numerous times during the day, which makes a BIG difference in my control! I bought a gram scale to replace the scale I had been using on rare occasions. The older scale I had to eyeball and guess, and as I've learned, I suck at guessing. *Sigh*It definitely takes a lot of discipline to have good control. My numbers are best on the days that I write down every morsel I put in my mouth and also write down its weight, the amount, the carbs, while also noting if it is high fat or if I'm stressed or if I have a headache.... oiy.... Writing everything down DOES help, but it definitely is a struggle some days. After teaching all day, the last thing I want to do is itemize everything I"ve eaten all day. I have a HP Handheld PC, but I haven't taken the time to set it up so that I can just record everything on there.

Time is definitely a big factor in my control. So many things that I used to do (when I was disciplined and had much better control) I don't take the time to do now. Life just seems to get in the way and any time I might devote to diabetes is replaced with something else, something seemingly more important, or more fun. However, regardless of the time it'll take, I need to get back on track and start to focus more on managing my diabetes. Easier said than done, though.

On another note, the stress in my personal life seems to have settled down a little bit for the time being. I had a mini breakdown last Wednesday and felt like my world was falling apart! I'll spare you the epic and share the cliff notes version - my fiance and I are completely at odds over which church we will get married in and which religion our hypothetical children will be. I was raised Protestant and I've spent so much of my life at my church - some of my happiest times, in fact - involved in activities with my church. It's a warm and welcoming atmosphere and the people there are like family to me. I feel my children should get to experience the same thing, and I think it would be a wonderful thing for them. Also, I have always dreamed of getting married in my church. My mom is adamant about me getting married in my church and won't hear of me getting married anywhere else. My fiance was raised Catholic and claims he HAS to have his children raised Catholic and we HAVE to get married in his church. He attends church weekly but that's about where his involvement ends. I think that's my main objection - he attends, but he's not involved; I attend and I'm very involved... Ugh... I know I'm being close minded about this, but he is too, so we're definitely having a difficult time right now. I thought the engagement period was supposed to be a happy, exciting time, but so far it's just been heartwrenching and frustrating. I think this is more the reality, though... I think a lot of people like to think that the engagement is a happy carefree time, but in reality it's a big freaking tornado of issues, emotions, and dilemmas. I'm going to be soooo ready to shake my booty by the time the wedding finally gets here!!! Ugh...

If you're still reading, please pat yourself on the back!!! I haven't written in a while and really felt the need to write this morning, so you, my friend, are the unfortunate reader of a couple weeks worth of pent up thoughts. I'll try to be more coherent as the week goes on ;) I can't promise anything, though. :)


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