March 02, 2006


I woke up this morning at 269, and I think I had an epiphany of sorts....

I know... you're shaking in anticipation..... what could Laura have discovered now???

I looked at the 269 searing a hole into my meter, and I realized that I just didn't give a damn. I gave my shot for breakfast (w/ correction units of course), and then proceeded to enjoy peanut butter toast - which is a major no-no when I'm high. The fat seems to act like 100% pure sugar to my blood sugars sometimes, keeping them high for at least 3 hours afterwards. But I just didn't care this morning.

I know that probably sounds quite foolish, but it's rare for that voice inside of me not to immediately resort to harsh beratements. For a change, that voice said, "screw it!"

As if I hadn't done enough damage with the peanut butter at breakfast, I stopped off for coffee and added some cream. Seems trivial, right? But not for me on a morning when I wake up at 269. Again, a major no-no.

Maybe I put too much blame on myself for my blood sugars? I obviously don't become super disciplined after having bad blood sugars repeatedly, or else I'd be sitting pretty with a 5. whatever HBA1c instead of a 7.2, but I do interalize the number as a reflection of myself. I do the proverbial anger bolus when I'm high and then face the consequences with shaky sweaty hands later on. But I never really take the time to analyze my numbers and look for reasons and rationales for the highs and lows and even the in between numbers. Maybe this is the piece I'm missing??? I've gotten into a mode where I'm getting a lot better about checking frequently, but if I don't start to really look at this data and make *smart* changes, then all of my checking isn't going to add up to better control... it'll just mean my fingers look more tattered than usual... Ah, so slow to learn I seem to be...

Later on today the voices will probably start in as I plead with my blood sugar to return to a sub normal level. And later on I'll look back on this and remember that it was foolish not to care, and that repeatedly not caring is why my numbers are pretty shitty some days. But for no, I'm going to stick with not caring, because it's just easier....


Blogger Kelsey said...

There is a big step between checking your blood sugar frequently and actually making any use of the information. There are so many weird things that can effect blood sugar, it's sometimes hard to pinpoint what caused a high or a low.

I often find myself telling my husband, "well, I'm high becuase I ate soy for lunch and that gives me a delayed raise in blood sugar, and then I ran a couple miles without checking my blood sugar first, I didn't have any insulin left in my systen... ta da! I'm 255 mg/dl" Or something like that. (that's a direct quote from yesterday actually!)

Anyway, knowing why your high (or low) can be obvious after the fact, but being able to gather all the potential information that may effect your blood sugar before you eat, give yourself insulin, exercise, etc. is hard!

I've been trying to take afew minutes whenever I'm deciding how much insulin I need or what to eat and try to think about any factors that might effect my later sugar reading. It's a start.

4:56 PM  

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