March 11, 2006

The Highs and Lows

As a nod to the title of my blog, I thought I'd feature my list of highs and lows for the past week

Checking my blood sugar 6+ times almost every day this week
Having a superb glass of wine with dinner last night
Getting a good sweat at the gym on Friday
Making it to pilates twice this week
Waking up at 4AM because I was low (this one works both ways)
Walking outside - the temps finally leapt into the 60's!
Making *smart* corrections - no rage boluses this week!
Spending time with my brother who is home from college on spring break
Realizing there's only about 60 days of school left!!!!
Not overeating and eating before bed for 4 nights in a row

Waking up at 4AM because I was low
Feeling overwhelmed by the stress of teaching and preparing for my classes
Feeling frustrated about my weight
Deciding on a church to get married in (He's Catholic, I'm Protestant... ahh!)
Reading posts from other bloggers who share my concerns, fears, and frustrations (this could also a high, because it reminds me that I'm not alone - "misery loves company" seems an appropriate motto for the diabetics of the world sometimes)
Feeling like I'm a failure as a teacher, a colleague, and an employee.... it was just one of those weeks I suppose!

As I look back on the week, I think the highs really outweighed the lows. It doesn't always work this way, though, as we all know. But would this list be much different if I wasn't diabetic? Sure, I wouldn't wake up sweaty and shaking with a pounding heart because of a low, but something else would take the place of that.... And maybe I wouldn't feel so frustrated about my weight if I wasn't a diabetic, but then again, maybe my weight has nothing to do with my diabetes.... Maybe things just seem worse some days because on top of everything else - the stress of a job, of a family, of a relationship, of life - I'm a diabetic.

As This is My Life so beautifully wrote in her recent post, 1+1 doesn't always equal two, some days it's 3, some days it's 8, and some days every calculation in the world fails me and I have to throw up my hands and scrap the day.

I feel like I'm rambling and not really making any sense of things, but that seems fitting considering that my blood sugar control has a similar pattern most of the time. I'm still ANXIOUSLY awaiting my pump. I've called Dr. C and talked to 3 different secretaries and 3 different nurse educators. I've emailed my blood sugar logs repeatedly - to the point of being a nuisance. And still, I wait.

I wish that I was more faithful about writing on my blog, perhaps averaging better than 1 post a week, but lately the work load hasn't allowed it. As I've said before, it's helpful just to put my feelings into words and to read the words of other diabetics who blog and share their highs and lows. In the end, I think our low times make us stronger and better able to comfort others during their low times because we've been there, we can relate. Our lows make us appreciate the highs, and in the end, I think it all works out for the best. That's what I'm sticking with today, anyway. :)


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