Do they know??? and a Pumping update

Sunday, while in church, my bs went low, so I quietly chewed 3 glucose tabs and *tried* to wait patiently for the shaking feeling to go away.

It didn't.

I felt worse.


Out of glucose tabs (of course), I tapped my dad, seated at the end of the pew, and quietly asked him if he could go to the secretary's desk and get me a few pieces of candy. He returned in a few minutes (it seemed like it took forever!!!) with a pocketful of candy and hurridly handed me as many as I could hold. If I hadn't felt so shitty I would have laughed, but I was on the verge of being scared by the low, so I just quickly began shoving lifesavers in my mouth.

About 24 carbs later, I finally started to feel a little better. The service ended and I headed outside with my family. My brother drove my car home ( luckily we rode together) and asked me repeatedly "You're sure you're okay??" with a worried look on his face. I caught him sneaking peeks at me out of the corner of his eye the whole way home while I tried to make small talk and act like nothing had happened, just another low, nothing big, but it wasn't just another low, it was a scary-oh-shit-now-I've-done-it low. Perhaps it was a good wake up call not only to me, but also to my family. For me, it reminded me why it's so important to keep a LARGE stash of glucose with me at ALL times!!! For my family, well, I can't speak for them, but I think it reminded them that I'm diabetic. I think they forget sometimes because I keep a lot of my management to myself and, also, I"m not around much between school and spending time wtih my fiance!! I explained to them that I was fine, but that sometimes it takes longer to feel fine after a low than other times. Hard to express in words, though, what it felt like to have eaten 3 glucose tabs and to feel worse afterwards...! Ugh...

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In other news....

I'M PUMPING!!!

Yesterday at 8:30 my pump trainer arrived at my house, and by 10:30 I was all set! My trainer has been diabetic for 33+ years and she also wears a MiniMed (512 or maybe a 522) so she could give me tips and tricks for dealing with different pump issues. When she left, I didn't feel as petrified as I thought I might. I actually felt excited and -hopefully not foolishly- confident. I know it's going to take a while to get the numbers tweaked and to learn how to make better changes according to my trends, but I'm defintiely cautiously optimistic. :) Actually, 2/3 of me is wholeheartedly optimistic, but it's the 1/3 of me that's pulling me down to being cautiously optimistic....

My numbers have been decent so far, but since I'm about 4 units less of basal than I'm used to, I may have some hairy numbers for a while until I get things tweaked. It feels really weird not to give shots!!! It almost seems too easy after giving shots for 4 years. However, I'm sure pretty soon it'll feel weird to give shots (when the need arises) after being on a pump too.

I'll try to post updates throughout the week as I adjust to being a PUMPER!!! And to think, this process only took 4 short months!!! (Note: sarcasm;) ) All I can say is "It's about damn time!!!"!!!!!

Meter Accuracy - the excitement never ends here at LaLa's Hi Lo Log...

Yes, the most stimulating part of my day thus far has been my pre-meal test at lunch where I tested at 181 on my first test. Ok, 181 isn't out of character for me, but I tested at 9:30 and was 149, so I didn't see how I could have gone up in 2 hours without having eaten anything.

So I check again. Just in case.

145.


That's better! So, perhaps against my better judgement, I use the 145 as my pre-meal number and give my bolus accordingly. I ugess when I do a test pre-workout I'll see if the 40 points really made a difference, or if my meter's satanic side (the side that gives me ALL high readings) was shining through at lunch.

Either way, what can you do?? Test a third time?? Hm... *dolt* maybe should have tried that... but it's Friday, and on Friday's, I not only stop for a cup of coffee on the way to work, but I also trust faithfully in good readings from my meter. Because it's Friday. :)

It’s just who you are…

My fiancé has commented numerous times that he doesn’t think of me as a diabetic – at times he even forgets that I am diabetic. This amazes me. Yes, he has only known me as a diabetic, but evidently he doesn’t see it as being an all consuming part of my life. I’m flattered but also a little curious about this.

Do I hide my diabetes from people? Do I downplay it at all costs to avoid drawing attention to myself? Am I ashamed that I am diabetic? I don’t know.

My friends in college made similar comments. They often said that if they didn’t see me take shots every once in a while they would forget that I was diabetic. I never really hid in a corner while taking my shots, but I didn’t make a big production of it either.

I guess my overall question is this: Is it good or bad that those around me forget that I am diabetic? Would they also “forget” what to do if I had a severe insulin reaction? I sometimes wonder.

I think this probably puzzles me because I can’t think of myself apart from my diabetes. “It’s just who I am…” as my fiancé tells me. It’s so natural to me after four + years that I can’t imagine not being a diabetic. So maybe that’s why others forget, because I’m also forgetting. I’m letting go of the resentment I felt after being diagnosed. I resented not appreciating my health while I had it. I resented not appreciating being able to just sit down and eat a meal - without the series of steps required now – or to not eat a meal, and just nibble on things as I pleased. Now, I resent the empty promises and the magical phrase “in 10 years we should have a cure” that never reach fruition. Will they ever?? Not to be pessimistic, but won’t a lot of companies lose money if/when diabetes is cured? Is that why we’re being tethered to pumps and *maybe* someday implanted with an artificial pancreas?

I’m truly grateful that those around me forget that I’m diabetic. I want them to forget. I need them to forget. Some days it makes me feel “normal” again. Some days I forget too.

Tried out the Guardian RT

I’ve wanted to post for about a week now, but, alas, a week has passed and I’m just now harnessing the ambition to post…!!

Dr. C finally gave me the green light for a pump – YAHOO!!! So the next day I called the MiniMed and set up a meeting.

I met with the MiniMed Sales rep last Thursday to get more info about the 522 Pump and to try out a Guardian RT. The sales rep has been in contact with me since February, when I first decided I wanted to pump. I appreciate his patience as my doctor has trailed me along for the past four months, being vague and obtuse about why I can’t get a pump NOW!!!

We met at a restaurant around lunchtime, and I was running late as usual. I arrive at 1:03 and find him waiting in the lobby. Note – this is the first time meeting him in person, so I’m looking around for a middle aged, balding guy with glasses…. Much to my surprise, I find a 30+ stallion with an incredible smile. I should have just signed up for a MiniMed right there – I didn’t stand a chance. In all seriousness, though, the (Antonio Bandares’s twin) rep was very informative and gave a great speal about the advantages and future advancements of MiniMed. He brought along a Guardian RT so that I could get an idea what the continue glucose monitoring would be like, a feature which is going to be available with the 522 Pump. After some explanations about how to insert the sensor using the fancy doohickey, I was in the bathroom, injecting myself with a sensor. Mind you, this was my first doohickey “injection” experience since I’m still a 4+ shot a day girl. Well, I figured it out and soon found myself attached to the Guardian RT. The only downside was that I had to wait two hours before it would start giving me any readings, but I found that the two hours went pretty quickly, and then I had readings out the wazoo!!!

I wore the Guardian for three days, and I feel I learned quite a lot in three days!!! I’ll try to be brief, since your interest is probably waning already:

1. I go QUITE FREAKING HIGH right after breakfast. I may start at 105, but I don’t chill there for long before I’m up in the nether regions of 250+. OUCH
2. I stay remarkably steady overnight and throughout exercise. Both good signs, I think.
3. The Guardian is not 100% accurate. I’d give it maybe a 75% accuracy. I liked that it gave me an idea of how I trended throughout the day, overall.
4. I do not need to eat extra carbs at lunch to sustain me throughout my 4PM exercise. If I eat extra carbs at lunch, I go – once again – QUITE FREAKING HIGH and only drop about 50 points throughout my exercise. I guess my body is used to the exercise I’ve been doing.
5. Stress makes my bs rise steadily. This I already assumed, but now I have some definitive proof. Shitty for me, though, because I seem to be stressed out all the time lately.

I hated to give the Guardian back. The sensor died after exactly three days and I was in Wal-Mart with my fiancé when it gave its final beep. I looked down at the monitor, saw the message for a new sensor, and looked at my fiancé with a crestfallen look. He laughed at me for a good minute while I tried to “suck it up” (he’s trademark response anytime I start to look teary eyed). In a small voice I explained, “But I miss it already!” to which he replied, “so buy the damn stuff so that you can get that with the pump!” He’s all heart, let me tell you. I need someone like that, though, because if left to my own devices, I’d turn teary eyed at pretty much everything. I thought it was part of my charm, but he’s slowly convincing me otherwise.

I called the MiniMed rep to give him the green light for the pump, so hopefully I’ll make some progress and finally join the ranks of the blogging pumpers in the near future.  I’ll keep you posted… you know… a week after it happens, when I finally get the ambition to write…!!!

You might be an addict....

... if you have to bolus for sugar free gum.

Yep, that's right. I just bolused for GUM!!! This supposedly FREE food becomes UNFREE when you eat 5 PIECES in a matter of two hours. I need some serious freakin' help. This is ridiculous.

I seem to have a need to be chewing something right after I eat lunch; it's almost as if I have to feel like I'm still eating all afternoon. Holy buckets - no wonder I'm 10 pounds heavier than I want to be.

Geez... I really can't beleive I just bolused for gum... I should have just eaten something, at least that would feel more bolus worthy.... gum... *sigh* ....


Hello, my name is Laura, and I'm addicted to gum.