I've been reading a lot lately about the continue glucose monitors, and I'm really wishing I could get one pronto. In my mind, I can imagine myself keeping my blood sugar in near perfect control because I would constantly know my blood sugar. "Do I really need an extra serving at dinner? Why no! My blood sugar will go too high!" This would be opposed to my current thinking "I won't be testing for another 3 hours, so that'll give it enough time to get back down.." Flawed thinking, I realize, but this keeps me sane most days.
When I was first diagnosed, I would test at random throughout the day and would be appalled if I saw a number above 180, certain that I was slowly killing myself with each out of range number. Now, if I see a post-prad. under 180 I bust a move and applaud myself on my stellar carb counting/insulin management. Unfortunately, these dances don't occur on a regular basis for two reasons: 1 - I can be lazy with my carb counting and 2 - I'm horrible about testing 2-3 hours after a meal. Hence, my need for the continuous glucose monitor... so that I can perpetuate my laziness.
My first meter was a One Touch Basic, which took 45 seconds for a test result. 45 seconds... I always felt as if it was a count down to my death, I honestly took the results that seriously. And in retrospect, it might be good if I still had that strong sense of doom with each blood sugar reading. Maybe I've become too laissez faire? My current meter, One Touch Ultra Smart, gives me readings in 5 seconds, which gives me just enough time to suck on my finger to stop the bleeding (gross, but effective!). However, my current claim for why I do not test more is because I don't have time when I'm teaching to break out my meter and test my blood sugar. The real reason - I think I'm just too damn lazy and impatient. I have a million things going on in the average day at school, and the last thing I want to think about it what my blood sugar is doing, especially if I've just had to ream out a student! But the truth is, I would probably be a better teacher if I kept my diabetes in really tight control. Lord knows I've had some days where I was swinging from high to low, and I was just happy that I could talk in complete sentences, let along lead a discussion about the symbolism used by James Hurst in "The Scarlet Ibis." But I digress...
I think my main problems with testing are that I'm impatient and I hate bad news. To a normal person, five seconds is nothing; but to me, five seconds to test my blood sugar seems like an eternity and a real annoyance. Also, I hate bad news. I hate seeing high blood sugars or unexplained lows at inconvenient times (not that there's ever a great time for either...). As I write in this blog, I'm beginning to see that even though I've had diabetes for four years, I still have a lot of issues I need to address if I ever want to have tight control. I need to accept that diabetes is a part of my life, I need to take time (albeit, 5 -10 seconds) to check my blood sugar.... So... without further delay, I'm going to check my blood sugar... :)